SD Card Test
Finally got the SD Card working! Turns out the CS Pin is connected to GPIO1, not GPIO2, due to a pin mix-up in the library. Simple software fix, and it's like magic!
Also, I would recommend verifying that you don't have a corrupted Chinese-knockoff SD Card, as this will also cause you headaches and make things more difficult to solve.
For the SD test, we actually used the Arduino SD_Test Example, which worked out of the box (with our custom board library):